I have discovered something about myself; while I enjoy change within the confines of my comfort zone, I have a fear of having that comfort zone itself transplanted. I woke in the middle of the night last evening with dread filling my being. I realized that the fear came from the idea of the remote possibility of moving away from my children and grandchildren (or them moving away from me). I am used to being there for them at the drop of a hat. I enjoy the re-pore we have with each other and fear losing it. So I began praying. I finally was able to tell God that I would go wherever He leads, but it wasn't easy. It still makes my stomach queasy, but I WILL go wherever He leads, even if it means leaving the home I have lived in for 38 years.
This morning in my quiet time, I was meditating on Jesus being eternal and how the world in general has difficulty comprehending this. He was born after all! Yes, He died and rose again and NOW lives eternally, but to say He always was and IS God seems incomprehensible. However, as I wrote out the dialogue I was having with God (I start writing and as He speaks to my heart, continue to do so until finished) this is what took place:
"In the beginning was the Word..." John 1:1
In the beginning of what? The beginning of time, but You always were, are and will be because You do not dwell in time.
Word - Logos - something said (including thoughts) - a topic of discourse, reasoning and motive - the Divine expression.
Sometimes we forget that Jesus did not originate at His physical birth. He has always been with You and is part of You. It is hard for us to wrap our finite minds around infinity. Yet You have shown us in Your creation that infinity does indeed exist. Numbers - you can always add or subtract one more, yet zero remains constant, just as You do. Light - the closer we get to the speed of light, which we can never reach due to the exponential need for energy to do so, the slower time becomes, intimating that at the speed of light time stands still, which means it no longer dwells IN time. You ARE light and in You is no darkness at all. (I John 1:5) You do not dwell in time for You are eternal.
Suddenly my thoughts and writing changed to the following:
A seed dropped in good soil dies to itself (its will to remain a seed) and grows into a plant with roots to nourish it from the earth and blades or branches and leaves that reach up for life from the light of the Sun - eternity. When we choose, like the seed, to die to self in order to be planted where You desire, and grow as we reach to the Light of Your eternal Salvation, we become fruit bearers for Your kingdom: the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, which draw all people to us to dwell under the Light and feast on its goodness. Sometimes, however, You transplant us. It is for our own good. Our soil, perhaps, has become depleted of the nutrients we need in order to flourish. You desire continued growth. You want us to flourish!! Help us (me) not to fear, but to rejoice in the plans You have for us, knowing we will grow stronger and produce more fruit because of the transplanting. In Jesus' name I ask it!!
While I do not know for a certainty that any of us will be moving any time soon, I know that God desires me to be prepared, just in case, so that if and when the time comes, I do not throw a fit, but bow down to His will so that I can continue to grow and serve Him to the fullest.