There is a saying that goes: "We believe what we want to believe." This may be true for some, but I have found that there are many things in Scripture that I do not necessarily want to believe - at first. It was difficult to believe that God loves me, but He does. Why was this so difficult for me to fathom? I looked at myself and saw so many ugly things; greed, conceit, selfishness, and so on.
How could God look at me and love me?
This may surprise many that I
say it is a burden to believe I am loved, but once I came to really
begin to grasp how great His love for me is, I began to realize how
great a sinner I really am. It can become overwhelming if I dwell on
it, not to mention that it becomes sin once again, because when I dwell
on it, I begin to feel sorry for myself at how unworthy I am to even
know Him. Romans 7 describes me well: So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but
I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind
and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! (verses 21-24)
Notice the last verse - Thanks be to God - Who delivers me through Christ Jesus our Lord!!
I realize that as a Christian I have Jesus as my Mediator, which means
that every time I d something stupid, Jesus steps up to the plate for
me to take the blame on Himself. That, if I allow it, can make me feel
even lower. Every time I hurt a brother or sister in Christ with my
willfulness, selfishness, self-righteous attitude, envy, etc. I am
hurting the very body of Christ. This is too hard to conceive and I
don't want to have to think about it, let alone believe it. However, if
I do not take up this cross, this burden of belief, I cannot draw
closer to Him, to know Him better. So I set aside what I want to
believe and take up the burden of knowing that I am loved and that when I
sin against a brother or sister in Christ, I am sinning against Him. I
am more quickly drawn to my knees to ask forgiveness and have
fellowship restored. So through the agony of assuming responsibility
for what I have really done, I am drawn back into His arms for an even
better relationship than before, as I will think twice before acting
again. Why? It is much easier to accept responsibility for hurting a
brother or sister than to accept it for hurting the One Who has done me
good only and loved me when I was unlovable.
There is a song that I loved to sing while growing up:
"I know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day."
chosen to believe Jesus. It was a difficult choice at the time. I
didn't want to give up feeling sorry for myself. There is something
cynically appealing about it to our flesh. It's like a drug that sinks
us lower and lower, but if we don't have it, we feel like there must be
something wrong with us. Once I made the decision to give my life to
Jesus, that suffocating bubble of "poor little me" burst and I was
overwhelmed by His love. Now when I find a Scripture that is hard to
grasp and cling to, I simply turn to my Father God and ask His help.
From experience I know that it won't be long until that very Scripture
becomes precious to my spirit and one I turn to again and again for
strength and comfort. Jesus also said: Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you
rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and
humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is
easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 Oh, how extremely faithful to this promise He is!!