Clinging to Joy part 4

On the day of surgery, Dr. Noda came into the waiting room beforehand and explained that the surgery would take approximately 2 hours, but not to worry if it went longer, because they could get in there and find something else that needed work, which had happened before.  In that case it could take up to 2 1/2 hours.  One of the heart nurses came and asked for my cell phone number.  I had a little difficulty understanding her because she is still learning English.  I knew she was explaining why they wanted it, but for the life of me didn't grasp it.  I gave her the number anyway, figuring they needed it for a good reason.  They did.  They texted me how things were progressing.  I knew exactly when he was on the operating room table, when he was fully prepped, and when the surgery actually began.  I thought that was pretty cool!  Dr. Noda came out and told us when it was over.  The surgery had taken, believe it or not, just at 40 minutes!!  Not even an hour!!  Dr. Noda was quite pleased, told us they had found three really good veins to use and that he looked for a quick recovery. 

At this point I had a flashback to when my father-in-law had the quadruple bypass.  When we went in to see him he had tubes everywhere.  He was pale and barely cognizant.  So I prepared myself inwardly to see my sweet husband.  However, when we walked into the room he was fully awake and the only visible tubes were IVs.  He did have an oxygen mask as his body was still waking up and he was in pain from one of the drainage hoses, which made it hard to breathe.  He had great coloring and was able to talk to us though.  With beating heart surgery they are able to remove most of the tubes before the patient wakes up.  Another blessing!!
I was told they would rather I didn't stay the first two nights after surgery, as they would be waking him about every two hours to do different things, so I reluctantly left.  I knew I couldn't go home though, because I have a problem with needing everyone in my household, which consists of the two of us now, but was true when our kids lived there as well, to be in their beds at night or I cannot sleep.  So I asked my oldest son and his wife if I could go to their house.  They agreed and had already made me up a room in case this happened.  I have great kids!!
That first night after surgery, we got onto the elevator to leave for the night. I heard a young girl who had gotten on before us start giggling.  I looked her way, but didn't really see her face until she said, "You're Miss Simino from Sherwood."  Now I really looked and immediately recognized that little round face and big shining eyes of a child I had had the privilege of working with from kindergarten through 6th grade.  I couldn't remember her name, but I knew that face and said so!!  I asked how she was.  She told me that her daddy was dying.  As a matter of fact, they were removing life support that evening.  She told how she had been his primary caregiver over the past few years and how hard it was to let go.  When she finished, I hugged her tightly.  I told her that I had had two dads pass away; one lingered a bit and one died unexpectedly.  Either way, it is never easy.  Then I took her face in my hands as I did when she was little, looked in her eyes and told her, "You know I love you and I will be praying for you now and will continue."  She hugged me tighter and told me she was so glad she had "run into me."
As I walked away, I told God thank You.  He is so amazing.  Some would say how coincidental it was that that should have happened.  I know it was God at work allowing me to be His body and His voice to His hurting child.  Not only that, but He knew I was in great need of a really tight hug right then and boy, did it minister His love to me!!

Clinging to Joy part three

Monday evening we were told that the surgeon would be a Dr. Noda.  The nurse said we were really lucky to get him, as he doesn't stop the heart to do bypass surgery and is known as about the best heart surgeon in the St. Louis area. She said that Dr. Noda is actually leaving St. Clare to go to St. Anthony, which is why she thought it lucky. Another nurse told us that he is the reason she is at St. Clare...she followed him here so she could work with him.  I smiled and kept silent, but in my heart I was thinking, "Luck?  No such thing.  God is just doing what He does best; revealing His great love and protecting His children." 

The next morning Dr. Noda came for a visit.  He explained that Dr. Wagner had called him in for a conference over the test results.  After a thorough investigation he had discovered that not only was there indeed the blockage, but part of the reason for it is that the artery that feeds the right side of the heart is immature - a hereditary birth defect.  The two arteries on the left had taken over and were extra large, which is why his heart is able to be so healthy.  If he had a sedentary lifestyle, this would most probably not be true.  He then told him that the other reason he had the attack was stress related.  He asked about his job.  When we told him that he works a 40 hour week, over half of the weekends each year plus is on call 24/7 and gets called out at all hours in all kinds of weather, then comes homes and has been mowing three lawns, gardening, working on 2 houses and around our house and is always watching to see if a neighbor needs help with anything, he looked at us and told us that from now on he was going to have to learn his limitations and when to say no.  Family genes may have been the stone, but stress was the catapult that set this off.

Another aside for you: only a handful of heart surgeons in the United States are beating heart surgeons.  Most of them are in the St. Louis area.  Keeping the heart beating is paramount in swift healing.  Where a stopped heart surgery takes the patient about 4 1/2 weeks for recuperation (not complete healing...that takes longer) the beating heart surgery allows the patient to recuperate in 2-2 1/2 weeks, cutting the time in half.  In my husband's case, Dr. Wagner told him he probably wouldn't get to go home until Thursday as he had three obstacles to overcome - walking the hallways at least twice without being wobbly, all tubes and oxygen removed and a bowel movement.  And then he would gradually build strength over the next week and a half or so.  However, he came in to visit Sunday after the surgery on Thursday and said he had no reason to keep him.  He would be dismissed on Monday!!  Another miracle!!  More later!!

Clinging to Joy part two

Part two:

Another twist occurred in our story in that our neighbor, who also works for PWSD#1, had asked my husband to trade weekend duties as he had been in the hospital getting a stint in his heart the weekend before.  So now another worker had to be found to take the rest of the weekend.  Michael took the company work truck and I drove ours to this man's home.  I wanted to do the driving to the hospital as well, but any of you who know my husband will know that didn't take place.  When I realized he wasn't budging, I just told God, "Well, if he has a heart attack on the way and crashes the car, protect others."  Then I told myself that if we died in a car accident, at least we got to go to heaven together!! God got us there quite safely though and we walked into the ER hand in hand.  The registrar was seemingly surprised when he told her he was having chest pressure.  She pointed to the room behind her and told him to go straight in there.  I needed to stay and fill out forms.   I could see everything they were doing though as the room was glass.
By the time I entered the examination room, they had already taken an EKG and chest ultrasound.  Both were normal.  They declared he had not had an actual heart attack, as they could find no damage to his heart.  (Are you counting the miracles yet?  If not, you should probably start.)  We thought he might get to go home, but they wanted to do blood tests to make sure something wasn't about to happen.They took three vials.  They were going to do identical tests on each.  There are two markers, troponins T and I, that tell if you are starting an attack, having one, or are getting over one.  All of one of these markers came out negative...no attack.  The other came out .07, which some people have all the time, but for others can mean they began an attack a few days before and were now getting over it.  The next test, however, came back .126 and said he definitely had had an attack.  The third came back . 09, which told them the attack was ending now.  The doctor told us that he had definitely had an attack, but a very mild one and very minimal damage had to have been done, as it didn't show up in the rest of the tests.  

He said he would do a heart cath on Monday and really believed they would just find one partially blocked vein that had rubbed a scab and caused the attack.  They would stint it and he could go home Monday afternoon.

(A fun aside, that night I tried sleeping in the fully reclining chair next to his bed where we could hold hands all night.  Neither of us slept much at all.  The next night we tried switching.  I took the bed, he the chair.  No sleep.  When we were told we had a few more nights, Michael patted the bed and told me to get in.  I snuggled up next to him and voila, we BOTH slept quite well.  The nurses just chuckled and encouraged us that it was fine with them as long as we got some rest.  They are so sweet at St. Clare.  I have been in other hospitals that told us it was absolutely not allowed for anyone but the patient to be in the bed.)

Monday morning they came and took us to the cath lab.  The kids and I waited in the waiting room close by.  FYI - they don't put you to sleep for a cath.  You are placed in what they call "twilight."  You're awake, but you don't care what they are doing.  Well....that's not quite true in this case.  My husband remembers it all very well.  He kept telling the doctor that he shouldn't be awake because he still cared.  They had to give him 25cc more to get him to relax so they could do the procedure.  They had music going and he was telling them the song titles and performers, keeping them quite entertained.

About an hour later, a nurse came and asked me to follow her.  Dr. Wagner wanted to talk to me and show me something.  When he came out, he was rather pale.  He looked at me gravely and said, "Mrs. Simino, I have never seen such a healthy heart need bypass surgery, but your husband needs a triple bypass."  He took me in and showed me the video of his heart.  He pointed out a vein that he said was about 99% blocked.  That one could be stinted, because of its location.  He then pointed out a second vein.  He told me that one was not nearly as blocked.  However, it could NOT be stinted, as it is at a junction.  If they went to stint it and even the smallest amount of plaque was pushed loose, it could go straight to his heart and cause a massive heart attack.  He would be dead in minutes.  He then proceeded to tell me it was a really good thing that he came in when he did, as the next heart attack would probably have killed him.  Oh, our God is so VERY good!!

However, they had had to give him a particular blood thinner for the procedure and he couldn't have it in his system for surgery, so we were going to be there a while longer.  More tomorrow, if you are still interested, Lord willing.

Clinging to Joy

¹³ If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. ¹⁴ But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. ¹⁵ For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. ¹⁶ For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.
¹⁷ But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. ¹⁸ And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness. James 3  (NLT)
 It is so easy to watch others, see their happiness and allow ourselves to become bitterly jealous.  We cannot fathom why some people are so happy and we are so miserable.  Why, we ask ourselves, does it seem everyone else around me is happy and I am so miserable?  Life just isn't fair!!  What we neglect to discover is that those who seem happiest are sometimes swamped with problems; they have simply chosen the better way and it isn't happiness...it is joy.  Happiness is superficial and comes only from external happenings.  Both words (happy and happenings) come from the same root - hap, which in old English means "good luck." Joy, on the other hand, comes from the Latin gaudia and Greek gaio, both which mean "to rejoice."  (online etymology dictionary)  We all, every human being alive on the face of planet Earth has the same choice to make.  Will we seek happiness or live joy?  There is only One Source of true joy.  If we choose to turn our backs on that Source, then we have chosen superficial lives of happiness and to rely on our circumstances.  October 18, 2014 began like any other day in our household.  I woke by six a.m., read my Bible, prayed and started the daily routine of straightening the house.  My husband woke up and we checked to see what groceries we needed for the coming week and went to the store.  Shortly after we returned home, our daughter called to see if I would go shopping with her for clothes for their older son.  I agreed and we headed to the mall.  Four (yes, I  wrote four) hours later my husband called and asked if we were about finished.  He sounded a little agitated.  I figured he was hungry, as we hadn't had dinner.  I told him that yes, we were almost done and I was exhausted.  We should be home quite soon.  After I hung up, my daughter said she needed to make one more stop.  I agreed, but said it needed to be quick, as her daddy was hungry and tired.  As we were leaving the last store, my husband called again to tell me we had somewhere to go when I got home.  I assured him we would be there in ten minutes and hung up.  When we made it back to the house, our granddaughter wanted to come inside and see "Kpa."  He was dressed in casual dress clothes, so I decided he must want to eat out.  Our granddaughter gave him hugs and ran back to the car.  As soon as the car pulled from the driveway, I asked where he wanted to go.  He smiled that sideways smile and said quite calmly, "the hospital."  I smiled and asked why.  He continued smiling and told me he had been having chest pressure all day.  He had gone to Walmart to check his blood pressure.  It was 217 over 125.  He said he had thought, "now that ain't right," drove home and took an aspirin.  After a bit, he decided to see if he could bring the pressure feeling back or if it was over, so did forty (that's 40) jumping jacks.  He said he ended up lying in the floor on his back unable to move.  That is when he called me the second time.I looked at him, my heart skipping a beat and said, "Okay then, let's go."  This story is a bit long, so it may take a few writings to get it all in.  However, I want to make certain that anyone who reads this gets a full grasp of how wonderful, loving and compassionate our God truly is.If anyone had been looking in on my husband and me that night, they would have thought the fact that we were so calm about this whole thing rather strange, I am sure.  What needs to be understood is that God had been preparing me for this for quite some time.  A few years ago, sitting in church, we began to sing "I Surrender All."  A question floated through my mind, "Have you?"It wasn't too many weeks before that that I had surrendered my children and grandchildren over to God, thanking Him that He knew what was best for their lives.  This was an extremely difficult process for me as I tend to be a momma bear over all of them.  I had to come to the place of admitting that God knows more than I.  He knows what truly is very best for each of their lives.  I only know what I think is best.  Anyway, I knew where God was going with this and I didn't want to go there!!  I continued to sing and God continued to ask.  I began to cry and had to sit down.  Finally, I said, "Okay, Lord.  I surrender my husband into Your complete care.  If I one day have to be without him, I choose to love, trust, praise and worship You.  You will never leave me or forsake me, so I choose You."  I continued to cry and pray a bit longer, but walked away feeling more secure in my relationship with my heavenly Father than ever before.  Other things happened along the path to our hospital trip that warned me of its approach, but this was the most significant and the one that kept me calm.  I knew that I knew - God has our best interests at heart and will bring those things about.  That is not to say I didn't cry.  Of course I did!  The loneliness that came over me at the thought of possibly losing my husband grieved me!  But I have a heavenly Father to turn to and turn to Him I did!!  I buried my face in His robes and clung to Him with everything I had.  It wasn't easy.  Outside forces tried to pull me away.  They tugged, prodded, jabbed, screamed at me, but I refused to let go.  I was too scared of what would happen if I did, so I held on for dear life and smiled at the knowledge that as long as I did so, all was well.More tomorrow, if the Lord permits.

Smells of the Spirit

“Roll the stone aside,” Jesus told them.
But Martha, the dead man’s sister, protested, “Lord, he has been dead for four days. The smell will be terrible.”
Jesus responded, “Didn’t I tell you that you would see God’s glory if you believe?” John 11:39-40(NLT)

Over two thousand years ago and before, people were required to offer animal sacrifices and sprinkle the animal blood all over the place (or so it seems to me) to cover their personal sins. They sprinkled it around the tabernacle, on the hems of garments, on their big toe and thumb and so on. You can read all about it in Leviticus chapter 9. I have understood the animal sacrifices for a long time. We needed an innocent blood sacrifice, because it is our hearts that became contaminated with sin and the heart pumps the blood – all through our system. So our blood needed cleansing, which Jesus was willing to and did provide at the appropriate time. However, we needed to understand just what He was about to do first, and thusly, the animal sacrifices that covered, but could not remove our sin. Jesus' blood is like a blood transfusion for us. When we accept Jesus' sacrifice on our personal behalf rather than simply for the world in general, He does more than simply flush out our system, He actually gives us a new uncontaminated heart.

I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 11:19 (NIV)

We can learn a lot from the heart and blood flow.

• It carries oxygen and nutrients to your body's tissues
  

• It takes carbon dioxide and waste products away from the tissues.
• It is needed to sustain life and promote the health of all the body's tissues.
  

To the Christian this should speak volumes. This is speaking of our physical heart, but when God says He will give us a new heart, He is speaking of our spiritual heart, which is hard as stone before we accept His free gift of salvation. He gives us one “of flesh.” Words we can relate to: Flesh is pliable, durable and protective. God places in us a pliable spiritual heart that He can mold into the form of His loving Son Jesus. It is a durable heart that can withstand much more than our physical minds want to believe possible. It protects us from the old habit of sin if we will listen to it. So, yes, we can learn much from the heart and blood stream. But our spiritual blood WAS contaminated and needed help, thus the sacrifices.
There was another matter though, that I could never seemingly understand until today. Why incense?
On it Aaron shall burn fragrant incense. Morning after morning, when he prepares the lamps, and again in the evening twilight, when he lights the lamps, he shall burn incense. Throughout your generations this shall be the established incense offering before the Lord. On this altar you shall not offer up any profane incense... (Exodus 30:7-9)
Reading Martha's words to Jesus at Lazarus' tomb almost made me gasp. After all these years of wondering, my thick skull finally took it in.....Sin and the spiritual death it produces STINK!! Perhaps I have been taught this before or maybe it has been told in a sermon, but I never really HEARD it until today. It made Jesus' next words open up like never before. “Didn't I tell you that you would see God's glory if you believe?” Some will say I am making inferences here, and that's okay, but when I make a statement and someone replies to it, I assume they are speaking regarding the comment I just made. Therefore I can only assume that when Jesus spoke these words, He was letting Martha know that when God does a miracle, He NEVER does it part way. So I believe that when Lazarus came out of that grave, he did NOT stink. Why? Because I believe, as I have said over and over again, that our God is awesome at depicting what He wants us to understand and that here He wanted us to grasp that when we receive Jesus as Savior and Lord which brings life, He removes even the stench of sin from our person and we will begin emitting the fragrance of His Holy Spirit, Who comes to dwell in and with us permanently. (John 14:16) As long as we walk in His might, it is His fragrance the world will detect in our presence.
Father, sometimes we get a whiff of sin all around us and begin to wonder if it is us. We begin to feel defeated, unworthy, guilty and so much more. Sometimes it overcomes us so fiercely that we are thrown into a pit of despair, fear, anger, bitterness and even depression. Lord, help us to remember that we did indeed once smell that way. However, the moment we received Jesus as our personal Savior and Lord, You sent Your Holy Spirit to dwell in us and with us for all eternity. Jesus Himself promised that the Holy Spirit would never leave us in John 14:16. Thank You so VERY much for this assurance. Lord, when the influences of sin in this world begin to creep in around us, help us remember that You have given us a new heart that will pump the transfusion of Jesus' blood throughout our spirit man if we will continually seek nourishment from Your word and from communion with You through prayer. If we begin to feel sorry for ourselves, to doubt, to worry, etc., help us remember that You paid a humungous price in Jesus so that we would not have to do those things or believe the lies thrown at us by the evil one any longer. Thank You for Your sweet fragrance and that, just as we no longer need animal sacrifices, we no longer need physical incense. Your Holy Spirit's fragrance fills every nook and cranny of our being!! I love You!!

I'm Leg Clinging

Lazarus was sick....The sisters therefore sent to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, him whom You love is sick....”

When therefore He heard that he was sick, He stayed then two days longer in the place where He was....

Then Jesus therefore said to them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe; but let us go to him.” John 11:2b-3, 6, 14-15 (NASV)

“Glad for your sakes;” what powerful, awful, wonderful words.

One day, about three years ago now, my daddy went to his pastor and asked for prayer that his borders of testimony of Jesus' great love would be expanded. Everywhere daddy went he would ask someone, whether a waitress, store cashier, neighbor, etc., if they knew for certain that when they died they were going to heaven. If they ignored him, he prayed for them. If they said yes, he rejoiced with them. If they said “no,” he would ask if they would like to. He never pressured, but if they said they DID want to know for certain, he would open up the Bible and lead them down the “Roman Road” of salvation. This was not enough for daddy, quite evidently. I understand, because sometimes I feel so enclosed in my borders that I daydream about what it would be like to be called out to another country. I have, however, been called to reach children, those in my immediate vicinity, and to whomever God leads me. The funny thing (and I use the word “funny” in the most ironic sense) is, a couple of weeks later, daddy passed from this world into the loving arms of God. My momma says she had gone to the bedroom to tell him breakfast was ready. He sat up and put lotion on his hands, laid back down and was gone. I am certain beyond a doubt that Satan and his dominions were laughing and partying at this point, thinking they had won a great victory. One less man to spread the message of true hope to this world. Expand his borders indeed!

When I was informed of daddy's passing, I was sitting in a van with some of my grandchildren, while their mom had gone in to buy shoes for her brother's wedding later that day. One of my sisters called and told me. I thought my heart would burst with grief! I cried out to God, “WHY?!! Why today of all days, Lord? Why couldn't this wait until tomorrow even? Then I could go and be with Momma! As it is, I have a son who needs me here for his wedding!!”

This rant continued for some time until I was finally able to get calm before my heavenly Father. I have told this story before, but I don't know if people really get the gist of what was going on inside me. First of all, I had really always believed Momma would be the first to go. It wasn't that I wanted this to be so, I simply thought it would be. She has so many different things wrong health-wise in her body, I think all five of her children thought that way. Daddy was the strong one physically; well, at least more so than Momma. Secondly, I really, really, really needed to be held by Momma and my siblings!! Daddy was the real hugger of the family!! What would I do without those hugs!! I have tears streaming down my face thinking about it. I miss those hugs desperately at times! Then there was my son and his bride who wanted and needed me to be at their wedding. I am close to all my children – very close. My older son, though, had been a prayer partner with me and had chosen a song about friendship for us to dance to – our song, so to speak. I had to be there, and Momma agreed. There would be time come Monday to take care of the arrangements for Daddy she told me.

Here she had just lost the love of her life, her partner for sixty plus years and she said these words, “Poor Sherry. She will really want to be here for me, but she NEEDS to be there for her son.” So my sister told me Momma's words and asked me to do my best to find the joy in the wedding so I could remember it with joy.

Momma and Daddy were not going to be at the wedding. Momma's health would not permit it. Daddy bemoaned the fact. He wanted to be there badly. I know this for two reasons:he told me and because Father God doesn't lie. As I became calm before Him with one final cry of “why?” He spoke these gentle, awful, love-filled words:

“Your daddy really wanted to be at the wedding today, so I brought Him up here so he can watch it from heaven with Me.” And that is how I was able to make it through. Words of comfort like none other. To me it spoke these words, much like those He spoke to the disciples, “I am glad for your sake that I allowed him to come home. I know you wanted him to be at the wedding, but he couldn't. This way you know he can watch from the best seats available and rejoice with you.”

Sometimes we feel so alone and wonder why God allows what we deem tragedy into our lives. We have to, we NEED to remember that everything He does or allows is out of His great love for us. Yes, we hurt. Yes, we feel alone and lost at times, but we are never really alone in our hurts or otherwise. Jesus felt every hurt ever imagined as He hung on the cross to pay the price for our sins, because we could never afford to do so for ourselves. Our debt becomes bigger by the fraction of a second. Therefore, He offered Himself in payment and our totally innocent, one hundred percent pure, Jesus took all our sins upon Himself and declared them paid in full.

What about Daddy's prayer for expanding his borders? If you could sit down with my siblings and self, we could tell you wonderful stories of how God has answered that prayer bigger and better than Daddy could ever have dreamed. Immediately we all had a deeper burden for the lost. We each have experienced similar times of counseling others and sharing the truth of the Gospel with them like never before. My personal experience has been a desire to grow more and more like Jesus every day. Before I was content with a little growth here and there. Now I have a hunger that drives me to study, to teach, to preach if necessary, to counsel, to LOVE!! I no longer just want to “get in and get out” when I go shopping. Instead I find myself looking for someone to smile at and/or encourage. I am no longer the same.

“Shackled by a heavy burden. Bent beneath the guilt and shame. Then the hand of Jesus touched me and now I am no longer the same. He touched me. OH!! He touched me! And oh, the joy that floods my soul! Something happened, and now I know...He touched me and made me whole!!” (My momma used to sing this as a solo in church. She has such a beautiful voice!)

Father, You love us so much! We tend to forget this truth. We allow anger, fear, and loneliness to become our task masters rather than Your great love. Help us. Forgive our god-making efforts, where we either try to manipulate our lives and make ourselves out to be god, or we turn instead to chemicals and other devices. We are weak, but You are strong. Help us walk, not just close to You, but clinging to You all along the way. I think of when Daddy would let me sit on his foot and cling to His leg. He did the walking. I was just along for the ride. Help us to trust You in the same manner. Let us sit on Your feet that were wounded on our behalf, cling to those legs that bore the weight of the burden of our sins that were laid across Your dear shoulders and simply go along with the ride You have prepared for us, trusting You every step of the way to never stumble, trip or fall. It is here we can either close our eyes and enjoy the mystery of where You are taking us, or open them wide and be amazed at the scenery!! It is from here that we can look up into Your face, see those loving, smiling eyes and feel safe and secure. We can always know that Your step is sure and will take us safely wherever we need to go. Help us to know that we know that we know we are safe as long as we stay there, clinging to You.

Forever Faithful Fear

About 3 months ago it hit me what a marvelous and ominous word "forever" is.  One evening, as I laid next to my husband I thought, "I wish it could be like this forever."  In an instant I knew....IT WILL BE!!

I will always have  my husband as my best human friend, for all eternity!  There will be absolutely no end to our friendship!!  What a wonderful thought!  What a relief from fear of longing to hear his voice, feel his hand holding mine...he will always and forever literally be with me!!  Yes, there will be that brief period of time when we are physically apart, but our spirits are forever intertwined through the blood of Jesus. 
That night I actually turned and whispered a thank you to that lovely man and told him how awesome it is to know for certain that we will be together forever.  He smiled and nodded in consent and hugged me closer.  He must have remembered that moment as much as I, because about a week ago we pulled in to a gas station.  When we went in to pay, a young cashier asked, "Are you two together?"  That dear heart said, "Forever."  I almost started crying.  Tears did well up in my eyes from joy.  I grabbed his hand and we walked out the door with a little skip.

Thinking on this one little word has opened my eyes to the enormity of the need to love others into God's kingdom.  If we do not, they will spend eternity in torment!!  Think on that a moment and that selfish little uncaring world that tries to wrap itself around us whispering that the hatred going on in this world is no concern of ours as we are not involved in it will start to quake in fear.  Satan knows that if we begin to grasp just a bit what forever or eternity really means we will begin to also understand that people don't stop existing because their bodies quit functioning.  We were created in God's image.  He breathed HIS Spirit into us (Genesis 2:7) making us eternal beings as well.  We will either spend that eternity in a perpetual state of learning and growing in Christ, which is real life indeed, or in a perpetual state of turmoil, hatred, and terror; wishing it would all end, yet knowing it never will.  This is death indeed - being utterly and endlessly separated from real life in Christ Jesus.

God has been crying out to us to choose life from the beginning of time.  In telling man not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge He was telling him to choose Life - God.  Later, when Israel was getting ready to enter the Promised Land he spoke it through Joshua.
I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live, loving The Lord your God, obeying His voice, and cleaving to Him; for that means life to you and length of days...Deuteronomy 30:19 (NIV)

Now He continues to cry out through the blood of His Son Jesus -
And to Jesus, the Mediator (Go-between, Agent) of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood which speaks [of mercy], a better and nobler and more gracious message than the blood of Abel [which cried out for vengeance].
So see to it that you do not reject Him or refuse to listen to and heed Him Who is speaking [to you now]. For if they [the Israelites] did not escape when they refused to listen and heed Him Who warned and divinely instructed them [here] on earth [revealing with heavenly warnings His will], how much less shall we escape if we reject and turn our backs on Him Who cautions and admonishes [us] from heaven?  Hebrews 12:24-25 (AMP)
Father, help us, Your children, begin to fully grasp eternity, forever in our hearts.  We know the definition and we believe it in our hearts, but our minds get easily removed from it as our senses cry out that all is finite.  Help us to look into the eyes of eternity when we look into the eyes of the lost.  Help us to not walk in selfishness at the contentment of our eternity with You, but rather to allow ourselves the discomfort of feeling their fear, loneliness and anxiety of not only being lost in this world, but lost from Your presence.  May our hearts cry out for their forgiveness as Jesus cried out for ours as He hung from the cross in agony (Luke 23:34).  Help us to hold no grudges, bear no ill will, but to seek their entrance into Your kingdom of grace.  May we walk forever in faithful fear of disappointing You. I ask this in Jesus' precious and most holy name.