I'm Leg Clinging

Lazarus was sick....The sisters therefore sent to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, him whom You love is sick....”

When therefore He heard that he was sick, He stayed then two days longer in the place where He was....

Then Jesus therefore said to them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe; but let us go to him.” John 11:2b-3, 6, 14-15 (NASV)

“Glad for your sakes;” what powerful, awful, wonderful words.

One day, about three years ago now, my daddy went to his pastor and asked for prayer that his borders of testimony of Jesus' great love would be expanded. Everywhere daddy went he would ask someone, whether a waitress, store cashier, neighbor, etc., if they knew for certain that when they died they were going to heaven. If they ignored him, he prayed for them. If they said yes, he rejoiced with them. If they said “no,” he would ask if they would like to. He never pressured, but if they said they DID want to know for certain, he would open up the Bible and lead them down the “Roman Road” of salvation. This was not enough for daddy, quite evidently. I understand, because sometimes I feel so enclosed in my borders that I daydream about what it would be like to be called out to another country. I have, however, been called to reach children, those in my immediate vicinity, and to whomever God leads me. The funny thing (and I use the word “funny” in the most ironic sense) is, a couple of weeks later, daddy passed from this world into the loving arms of God. My momma says she had gone to the bedroom to tell him breakfast was ready. He sat up and put lotion on his hands, laid back down and was gone. I am certain beyond a doubt that Satan and his dominions were laughing and partying at this point, thinking they had won a great victory. One less man to spread the message of true hope to this world. Expand his borders indeed!

When I was informed of daddy's passing, I was sitting in a van with some of my grandchildren, while their mom had gone in to buy shoes for her brother's wedding later that day. One of my sisters called and told me. I thought my heart would burst with grief! I cried out to God, “WHY?!! Why today of all days, Lord? Why couldn't this wait until tomorrow even? Then I could go and be with Momma! As it is, I have a son who needs me here for his wedding!!”

This rant continued for some time until I was finally able to get calm before my heavenly Father. I have told this story before, but I don't know if people really get the gist of what was going on inside me. First of all, I had really always believed Momma would be the first to go. It wasn't that I wanted this to be so, I simply thought it would be. She has so many different things wrong health-wise in her body, I think all five of her children thought that way. Daddy was the strong one physically; well, at least more so than Momma. Secondly, I really, really, really needed to be held by Momma and my siblings!! Daddy was the real hugger of the family!! What would I do without those hugs!! I have tears streaming down my face thinking about it. I miss those hugs desperately at times! Then there was my son and his bride who wanted and needed me to be at their wedding. I am close to all my children – very close. My older son, though, had been a prayer partner with me and had chosen a song about friendship for us to dance to – our song, so to speak. I had to be there, and Momma agreed. There would be time come Monday to take care of the arrangements for Daddy she told me.

Here she had just lost the love of her life, her partner for sixty plus years and she said these words, “Poor Sherry. She will really want to be here for me, but she NEEDS to be there for her son.” So my sister told me Momma's words and asked me to do my best to find the joy in the wedding so I could remember it with joy.

Momma and Daddy were not going to be at the wedding. Momma's health would not permit it. Daddy bemoaned the fact. He wanted to be there badly. I know this for two reasons:he told me and because Father God doesn't lie. As I became calm before Him with one final cry of “why?” He spoke these gentle, awful, love-filled words:

“Your daddy really wanted to be at the wedding today, so I brought Him up here so he can watch it from heaven with Me.” And that is how I was able to make it through. Words of comfort like none other. To me it spoke these words, much like those He spoke to the disciples, “I am glad for your sake that I allowed him to come home. I know you wanted him to be at the wedding, but he couldn't. This way you know he can watch from the best seats available and rejoice with you.”

Sometimes we feel so alone and wonder why God allows what we deem tragedy into our lives. We have to, we NEED to remember that everything He does or allows is out of His great love for us. Yes, we hurt. Yes, we feel alone and lost at times, but we are never really alone in our hurts or otherwise. Jesus felt every hurt ever imagined as He hung on the cross to pay the price for our sins, because we could never afford to do so for ourselves. Our debt becomes bigger by the fraction of a second. Therefore, He offered Himself in payment and our totally innocent, one hundred percent pure, Jesus took all our sins upon Himself and declared them paid in full.

What about Daddy's prayer for expanding his borders? If you could sit down with my siblings and self, we could tell you wonderful stories of how God has answered that prayer bigger and better than Daddy could ever have dreamed. Immediately we all had a deeper burden for the lost. We each have experienced similar times of counseling others and sharing the truth of the Gospel with them like never before. My personal experience has been a desire to grow more and more like Jesus every day. Before I was content with a little growth here and there. Now I have a hunger that drives me to study, to teach, to preach if necessary, to counsel, to LOVE!! I no longer just want to “get in and get out” when I go shopping. Instead I find myself looking for someone to smile at and/or encourage. I am no longer the same.

“Shackled by a heavy burden. Bent beneath the guilt and shame. Then the hand of Jesus touched me and now I am no longer the same. He touched me. OH!! He touched me! And oh, the joy that floods my soul! Something happened, and now I know...He touched me and made me whole!!” (My momma used to sing this as a solo in church. She has such a beautiful voice!)

Father, You love us so much! We tend to forget this truth. We allow anger, fear, and loneliness to become our task masters rather than Your great love. Help us. Forgive our god-making efforts, where we either try to manipulate our lives and make ourselves out to be god, or we turn instead to chemicals and other devices. We are weak, but You are strong. Help us walk, not just close to You, but clinging to You all along the way. I think of when Daddy would let me sit on his foot and cling to His leg. He did the walking. I was just along for the ride. Help us to trust You in the same manner. Let us sit on Your feet that were wounded on our behalf, cling to those legs that bore the weight of the burden of our sins that were laid across Your dear shoulders and simply go along with the ride You have prepared for us, trusting You every step of the way to never stumble, trip or fall. It is here we can either close our eyes and enjoy the mystery of where You are taking us, or open them wide and be amazed at the scenery!! It is from here that we can look up into Your face, see those loving, smiling eyes and feel safe and secure. We can always know that Your step is sure and will take us safely wherever we need to go. Help us to know that we know that we know we are safe as long as we stay there, clinging to You.