As a child I loved to get on a swing and fly just as
high as I could go. To tell the truth, if they made swings to fit
adult bottoms, I would still be doing so today. However, it is rare to
find a swing big enough, even for those of average size. Swinging
through the air and feeling the drop in my stomach as I hit the top of
the arc and begin descent backwards is a thrill of joy better than a
roller coaster in my eyes, and I do love a good coaster!!
My youngest granddaughter feels the same as I. I love to watch her
soar; her grin filling her face and her eyes seeking the sky as she goes
higher!! It takes me back and I can feel what
she is feeling; joy bubbling inside and ready to burst forth in a
giggle; some of it sometimes escaping. You want to hold it in though.
It makes the bubbles from the backward drop more exciting, so you simply
grin all the wider until your face feels as if it will split in two!!
What joy!! What exhilaration!! There is no fear. We are clinging to
the chains that hold the swing up!! Some call us thrill seekers. I
call us admirers of trust. We trust the swing to hold us up and are
thrilled that it does so over and over and over again no matter how many
times we pump our legs up and down or stop, get off and then get back
on again. If we did not trust the swing, we wouldn't get on.
There are times in our lives, whether
of our own accord or not, that we are thrown into situations that we can
either choose to jump on and swing or we can cower behind a tree
watching as others jump on and enjoy the ride. I have done both.
I have shared in other blogs that I am
rather an introvert. When invited to a party, shower, wedding
reception, etc. where I know I am going to know only a couple of people
there, I tend to not want to go. Many times I have been "rescued" from
making a decision by my husband having to work or making other plans.
The rest of the times I have had to decide what to do. I, with shamed
face, must admit that many, many times in the past I have chosen to hide
behind fear as others experienced the joy. The times I have chosen to
force myself to go have rarely caused me any hardship and usually
brought me great joy, so why do I hide? I know why - I was that child
on the playground at school who played alone. If I had one person each
year that chose to be my friend, I felt extremely blessed. I remember
my first grade year. I didn't go to kindergarten. There was a little
girl named Kathy who was all bubbly and cheerful where I was solemn and
quiet. She sidled up and asked to be my friend. We were inseparable
until the fatal day her family moved out of town. For the rest of the
year I played alone 99% of the time. I was always looking for a
friend. I'd search the playground for someone else who was alone, but
couldn't find anyone. Everyone was playing with someone it seemed. So I
would go climb the monkey bars, or if I was really "lucky," a swing
would be free. On a swing I could reach to the sky and fly. It didn't
matter if I was alone. The thrill was all I needed. the monkey bars
were my second favorite because I could go to the very top and see
everything everywhere it seemed. Later I learned to do flips on the
horizontal bars and spent many recesses there. That needed no company
either. These are the ways I "fit in." No one noticed I was alone, so
maybe I was more acceptable was my line rationalization.
I am not telling this to gain sympathy,
but understanding for those who are out there like myself. I know they
exist. I have talked to many. Others called us loners. We knew we
were lonely. We were called snobs. We knew we were
simply unsure of what to say. We were called losers. This we agreed
with in many ways. All this due to fear and worry. The funny part is,
our fear of not being accepted is exactly what separated us and caused
us to be unaccepted.
When I accepted Christ as my Savior,
many things changed in my life. The biggest change was to stop allowing fear to
rule my life. I am not saying it came all at once, but there was an
immediate loss of fear in the area of death. I no longer feared it. I
knew Jesus had defeated it in my life and I would and will live forever
with Him. I carried so many other fears though that I am still being
delivered of some. The first step is God pointing out to me that I have
a certain fear. Some of the fears I used to carry seem frivolous to me
now, but I assure you were very real at one time. One of the first I
had to deal with was introducing myself to someone. It was only a very
short time after I accepted Christ that a new person joined our youth
group. I knew what I needed to do, so I was one of the first to walk
up, shake his hand, force myself to look him in the eye and smile and
simply say, "Hello." I gave my name, said I was glad he came and sat
back down. My heart was pounding in my chest, but I had done it! After
that it became easier and easier to do the same. Now I can introduce
myself to anyone and have a short, or sometimes I am surprised by a
long conversation with them. Sounds silly, doesn't it? How many
friends have I missed out on having because I was too scared to simply
introduce myself? I may never know.
Our pastor is preaching a wonderful
series on the 23rd Psalm. There are 5 more weeks to go on it and I
don't want to miss even one. This past week he shared that he had done
an in-depth word study on the word "worry." He had looked it up in
different languages even. He wanted to come up with his own
definition. Here is what he came up with: self-inflicted torture when
our thoughts and emotions go negative about the uncertainties of life;
self-inflicted strangling. I nearly jumped from my seat. This is
exactly what I needed to help me defeat the rest of the fear in my life
when God points it out!! He didn't stop there. He went on to say
something God had been whispering in my ear for quite some time. "The
root of all worry is is lack of trust." Worry is fear - fear is worry.
God commands me not to fear several times in both the Old and New
Testaments. Since worry is a lack of trusting God, it is a faith
battle; one which has already been won by Jesus on the cross. I simply
need to walk in it - the victory over fear and worry. How? Through
prayer. There was a time in my life when I would cry out to God for
more time to pray. I reasoned that if I only had more time to pray, I
wouldn't walk in fear so much. God has shown me that there is always
time to pray and Pastor Kenny wiped out any possibility of denial of
this in one fell statement: "We all have time to pray, because we all
have time to worry." I simply need to jump into prayer the moment fear
and worry try to push me off the swing. It's the only way to keep
soaring!!
Father, when fear and worry try to push
me off or prevent me from getting on the swing of trusting You, help me
hang on tight to the chains, refuse to be dissuaded and keep on soaring
with You.
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