In Granting Permission to Fail

Divine permission is not weak, but active and strong.
We define our good in terms of what brings us health and happiness now; God defines it in terms of what makes us more like Jesus.  (Randy Alcorn - If God Is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil)

The other day I was stopped by a woman who asked, "How much longer are we expected to listen to that?!"  She was speaking about a crying child who desperately wanted a toy.  She went on to tell of how her daughter brings her children to her to receive discipline.  In my mind I was thinking, "And there is the root of your complaint."  I managed to get in, "We live in a different world now," before she launched into a rapid fire diatribe on parents needing to give their kids something to cry about.  I tried to say more, but instead received an apology for dumping on me and then she walked away.  What I wanted to tell her was that the reason parents react differently to their children today is they are scared.  They fear having family services called on them for beating their child, when they actually simply spanked them.  People have even had them called for verbal abuse, because they corrected their child in public and this is considered embarrassing.  The fact is, if you are in a store with toys, chances are there is going to be a crying child somewhere trying to get its way.  Children have an innate sense of what they are going to be able to get away with in public.  The mother of the above child may have been putting up with him in public, but what happened when they got to the car or home?  I was grateful she didn't give in to his cries.  That would have made matters worse for her in the future. 
If it were possible, I would teach every parent the trick I learned from Dr. Dobson of  placing your arm around the child in a loving embrace and gently grabbing the muscle attached to the nerves in the child's upper shoulder and slowly squeezing until they give in and, while doing so,  whispering in their ear that they need to stop or there will be consequences to pay when they get home.  My boys, who are grown men now, jokingly tell people that that particular nerve in their neck is dead due to all the squeezing that took place.  Truth is, it is funny that after the first couple of times I barely had to squeeze at all.  Simply placing my arm around them let them know what was coming and they behaved - most of the time.  They were never embarrassed,  everything was done quietly and they didn't have to suffer further discipline, which was nice for me as well.  The real bonus was there was no real anger.  It was too humorous to see the expression on their faces when I placed my arm across their shoulders.  After the first time or two, their eyes would increase in size, they'd look at me and grin and say, "Okay, I'll stop," which of course made me smile inside and out.
As a parent, I wanted to know everything I could about rearing my children in a godly manner, so I read Christian books on parenting and compared them to Scripture as I went along.  One of the greatest things I learned was - Divine permission is not weak, but active and strong.  That quote is from the book above, but can be applied to our parenting as well. 
We are representatives of Who God is to our children.   Permission to fail is necessary for growth.  It is not a weak attribute in a parent to give their child the choice to do so, because the consequences are, I believe, harder to bear for the parent than the child.  When telling our children, "If you don't stop, or don't obey (etc.) there will be consequences," we are giving them opportunity to disobey and fail.  However, we are also holding out the opportunity for obedience and success.  When they choose disobedience, if we don't follow through with our promise, then we have taught them, "we are liars, sin is fun and there are no consequences - so go for it!"  When we do follow through, it must be done out of our hatred for sin and great love for them and our desire for their deliverance from it that motivates us or we are teaching them to "get even."  Yes, parenting is hard work, but well worth the effort!!
We define our good in terms of what brings us health and happiness now; God defines it in terms of what makes us more like Jesus.  This is something I am still learning.  It is an ongoing process. That I am still learning it is evident in the fact that I still complain at times when things don't go "my way."
The day I remember that "all things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to His purposes," without fail will be the day I wake up with Him in eternity.  We are all those little children crying in the store for the toy we want.  God is our parent Who lovingly reaches out and makes us uncomfortable by squeezing that nerve.  He whispers in our ear and we need to listen closely.  If not, we must remember - God always keeps His promises!!