On Being Responsible

Responsibility-The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone. 
The state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something. 
The opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization.

Recently I have been dealing with a 4 1/2 year old that is trying out the effects of lying to make self look better in other peoples' eyes.  At least that is what the enemy tells us it will do.  It is amazing that a child will say something right in your face and then say they didn't say it.  The other is when you say something to them and they try to deny you said it. Yesterday I asked this little one how many times I had lied to him.  He thought and thought, then looked at me and made a zero with his little hands.  I said, "Yes, zero.  So why would I start lying to you now?"  That took care of the problem of saying I hadn't said what I had said; at least for the day.  Later on I explained that lying and saying he had not said something he had did not make him look smarter or better in any way, but rather made him look ridiculous, as he had said it to my face.  That put an end to that as well...at least for the day. 

Taking responsibility for our own actions and admitting mistakes is not easy.  However, God promises us freedom if we do so.  He is always correct and always keeps His promises, so why do we still struggle with this so?

Psalm 8:4-6 tells us: "What is man that You take thought of him,
And the son of man that You care for him?
Yet You have made him a little lower than God,
And You crown him with glory and majesty!
You make him to rule over the works of Your hands;
You have put all things under his feet, (NASB)

All creation has been placed under our authority.  As part of His creation, that places us under our own authority, yet we try to push blame for our mistakes: war, abortion, hatred, jealousies, theft, rape, murder, incest, homosexuality, divorce, and so much more onto Him by saying that a loving God would not allow this.  Such a conundrum does not phase God.  He gave us the answer to it before time began: Give ourselves over to His authority and He will gladly take the responsibility for our actions.  Not only that, but He will repair damages done, heal our broken hearts and change us from lost and wandering sheep into shepherds. 

Many times in a department store you can hear a young child cry out, "but I want it!" or something similar.  Sometimes they simply throw themselves in the floor and pitch a fit.  However, they handle it, they are screaming to be in control and for their parent(s) to take control at the same time.  If the parent gives in to their whims, it makes it necessary to try it again and again just to see how far their parent(s) will allow them to go; how many "things" they can get away with.  If the parent chooses to say "NO!" and refuses to give in to the whim of their child for no other reason than to teach them that is not how to get what they want, the child learns quickly to change tactics.  It may take a few trials, because some are stronger willed than others (trust me, I know!!) but it is well worth the effort on the parent's part.  One day they will be amazed that their child sweetly asks for something rather than demanding it, and then understands when you say you can't afford it at this time; that is IF they do not give up and give in.  It takes much love and perseverance.

This is essentially what we have done with God.  First we tore ourselves away from Him and "divorced" Him as our parent because we wanted what we wanted - to do things our own way.  Then we started doing whatever we wanted, yet began screaming out for Him to take control.  We don't want Him as a parent, yet we are angry that He isn't?  Makes no sense to me.  All we have to do is ask Him to forgive us and take us back and He will do so with open arms.  The catch is, He will expect more of us than we do ourselves.  He will expect us to emulate Him rather than self, which is exactly what a parent tries to teach the whining child - emulate me.  The difference?  Parents can only do their best and make many mistakes. God, on the other hand, sets a perfect example of humility in strength, mercy in judgment, discipline in diversity, and love amongst hatred.  Whose example do we choose to follow?  The imperfect example of our earthly parents, our own fleshly desires or a perfect heavenly Father who will never lead us astray?  Does this mean we must be perfect?  Yes and no.  We cannot be perfect in our own strength, but Jesus in us IS perfect.  We just have to step aside and give Him full reign.

Just last Sunday I had the joy of sharing with our class that it doesn't matter what anyone in this world thinks about us, including ourselves, our friends and even our parents.  It only really matters what God thinks about us and He says we are His special creation, but we have to accept that designation and allow ourselves to truly be His.  Then He will make us into the person He originally designed us to be. 

Father, thank You for being the perfect parent that always sets the perfect example.  We, as parents, have made many mistakes, giving verbal direction without succumbing to the discipline ourselves.  You, however, loved us so much that You became human in the person of Jesus in order to reveal to us how to live by Your own personal example.  Thank You for loving us even though we turned our backs on You and walked away.  Thank You for coming and drawing us back to You through Jesus. 

In Fear I Run To God

I rise each morning as Job must have done with the question of how my family has been behaving hounding my heart.  This morning I felt drawn to read Psalm 56, where the first verse I ever deliberately memorized  is located.

What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.  Psalm 56:3
 

Such a simple and short verse, but one that has had a powerful impact on my being.  I learned this verse as a very young child.  I used to fear simply walking down the street to my best friend's house.  At the time it seemed so far away and as if anything could happen to me along the way.  My childhood best friend (who has gone home to be with the Lord) and I met when I was two and she was three.  She had an older sister who was the same age as one of my sisters and the two of them became best friends as well.  Needless to say, we were all at each others' houses frequently, almost daily.  The times it was our turn to go to their house were great, as long as my sister was able to go with me.  However, there were times when I was allowed to go and she wasn't (and other times visa versa) when I had to walk that seeming mile and a half by myself.  During that time I would say this verse over and over again until someone answered the door and said Susie could play.  If that didn't happen, ie: they weren't home or Susie had chores to do, I had to walk back, muttering this same verse all the way home.  A few years back I made a trip to see the "old homestead" and discovered that the trip was actually a few hundred feet rather than miles.  Funny how perspective changes as we grow, not only physically, but spiritually.

When I was fifteen, we moved away from that home to Herculaneum.  It was here that I received Jesus as Savior and Lord, was baptized, and married.  When I accepted Christ as Savior, I decided to make Him Lord as well.  Simply Savior was not enough.  I had too many fears - fear of walking down the street alone, fear of lack of accomplishment, fear of meeting people, fear of going anywhere new, fear, fear, fear....So, I decided that if I wanted to really be all I could for Jesus, He had to be Lord of my life, so I gave Him me.  I told Him I wasn't worth much, but that He could have me and use me as He saw best.  I began to crave to know Him better and so asked Him to help me study.  Over the years He has taken me to places in His word I never knew existed and has brought more excitement and confidence to my life than I ever dreamed possible.  However, I discover daily that I still have fears. 

As I mentioned above, the fear that my family may be displeasing or disappointing to Father God grieves my heart excessively.  There are times when I witness a hurtful event with one of them that I feel my heart will burst with grief.  There is both spiritual and physical pain in this, which may seem odd, but is true.  A few days ago I witnessed some angry and hurtful words being spoken between one of my children and a grandchild.  They both said hurtful things that I know they did not mean literally, but I immediately felt pressure in my chest as tears tried to push their way to the forefront.  Our child made the comment, "Don't speak hatefully to me!"  The child made a curt reply of similar nature and I could not help but say, "You are BOTH saying hateful things!"  It quieted them at least momentarily. 

When I think about how grieved I become, how literally pain and grief-filled it makes me to see and hear such things, I am reminded that God feels all of this on a much deeper scale than I, as He sent His Son to pay the price for those sins.  At the very moment we are committing them, we are turning our backs on His sacrifice and saying we want to do things our own way, because we know what is best for us.  He knows where such sin leads us.  Can You imagine the grief He must feel, knowing that He placed His only Son on the cross for us and we still have moments we reject Him?  Even so, He loves us so much that He waits patiently for us to come to Him in repentance, holds us in His arms, wipes away our tears and says, "Forgiven and forgotten my little one." 

When I sit in fear of my children being disobedient to God, or fear of my husband not eating properly and so asking for health issues, or fear of going distant places alone (and by distant I mean anything over ten miles away), I am saying, "God, You can't handle this.  If I don't try to change my children, my husband's eating habits or find a way to do all I need to do as close to home as possible, everything will go wonky."  So in effect I am saying, "God, I am more powerful, more wise, more loving, more capable than You."  It is this that I speak to the world rather than the faith I want to speak to them.  So this morning I make the following my heart cry before God:

My enemies (Satan and his dominions) hound me all day, for there are many who fight against me, O Most High.  Whenever I am afraid I will trust in You.  In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear.  .....  You number my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle; are they not in Your book?  When I cry out to You, then my enemies will turn back; this I know, because God is for me.  In God (I will praise His word), In the Lord (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid.  Psalm 56:2-3 and 6-11

Gaining Strength

Muscles are amazing.  When they are used for their created purpose, they grow and become even more useful to us.  Work becomes easier and more effective as our muscles enlarge and take on more of the force for us.  They may scream at us that they are sore, but if we give in to them they become weaker once again and we must start over with building them up.  They are like a little child that doesn't want to have to walk anymore.  They cry out to Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, Grandpa...anyone who will listen, "Pick me up!!  I don't want to walk anymore!!"  Parents know that their child needs to walk a while to build leg muscles so they can eventually not have to be carried.  So sometimes they listen, if they know their child has had it and really is exhausted, but other times they will tell their child they must keep walking.  When our muscles cry out that they are weary and sore we have to decide if they really need rest or should keep going.

Muscles are also amazing in that they are all throughout our bodies.  Our hands alone can have over sixty different muscles in them!  It is believed that every hair follicle on our body has its own muscle.  Our heart is a muscle as well.  If it is used and exercised it gets stronger and more efficient in pumping blood throughout our bodies.  If it is ignored it will atrophy, become weaker and weaker until it can no longer function properly and will give up.  If that happens, we die.
If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them. James 4:17  (NIV)

Just as we know we should exercise to keep our muscles growing in strength, we also know we should exercise our obedience to Christ in order to grow in faith.  If not, our faith will atrophy and we will wonder if God has forsaken us, when in reality it is we who have forsaken Him.  Our bodies were made to work to keep them strong and our spirits were made to work in obedience to God in order to strengthen our faith. 

How many of us are living in sin through disobedience and don't even recognize that it is sin?  We tend to think that sin is something we DO that is wrong.  While that is true, it is also true that it is sin to NOT do what we know we should be doing.  Just as we make excuses for not exercising our muscles; ie: not enough time, costs too much, too tired, etc., we make excuses for not doing what we know we should and amazingly enough, they are the same reasons we use for not exercising!!  Hmmmmmmm....

Father, first we must wake up to the fact that we are being lazy in not exercising our muscles of obedience.  It is said that walking is one of the best forms of exercise so Lord, grant us the desire in our hearts to truly want You as Lord over all and get up and get going in our walk of obedient faith.

Even I ......

My thoughts dwell on marriage continuously.  Regardless of what I am studying in Scripture, God usually brings it all back to the marriage relationship.  Now that I understand a little of the depth of the importance of the marriage relationship and its being a symbol of our relationship with God, I can grasp why He does this with me, but must wonder why He chose me?  I am glad He did, as it gives me understanding I never had before, but I confess that it also amazes me.  I know my heart.  So I say to those out there who are being bombarded with the lies of the evil one telling them they are useless and God would never reveal anything of real import to them anyway, so why read His word?  I tell you, if He can reveal anything at all to this hard-headed, strong willed and selfish personality, He can and deeply desires to reveal these things and more to you as well.  Get involved with God's word.  It is not simply another book that may or may not teach you something; it is alive.  No, it does not physically eat, breathe or grow, but it feeds us, breathes real life into us and causes us to grow by leaps and bounds in our spirit man. 

John 1:14 says; " And the word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth." (NKJV)

Then again in Matthew 4:4, "Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" (NIV)

God's word is alive.  God spoke, Jesus became, the Holy Spirit inspired - the word.  Just meditate on that for a moment.  Each time you pick up God's word and start to toss it aside again - you are tossing aside the inspired, God-breathed, living word of God.  At that moment, open it up and ask God for understanding. 

Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. I Corinthains 2:12 (ESV)
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

 James 1:5 (NIV)

James 1:5 tells us quite plainly that God will give understanding generously to any who really want it.  He doesn't look at us and say, "You're to young, too old, too heavy, too thin, too ugly, too beautiful, too stupid, too smart, too disobedient, too rebellious" or any of the other nonsense the evil one whispers so loudly in our inner man.  His word, His living word - which means it is still relevant today - says He not only will give wisdom, but will give it generously.

My thoughts on marriage this morning went something like this, "Isn't it a good thing that Jesus said not to divorce except for in the case of infidelity?  That means He will never forsake us, but if we reject His love and salvation and seek after the idols of this world, He will let us go; but of our own free will, not because He wants us to go.

God loves us desperately.  Because of this, He desperately wants us to understand Him, so is more than willing to dish out as much wisdom and understanding as we are willing to consume.  The more we understand Him, the less likely we are to reject His love.  Understanding our spouse and where they are coming from helps us forgive and keep on loving them.  God cannot stop loving us, because He is love (I John 4:8), but He will not force His love on us.  We must receive it willingly.  We would not want to marry someone unless we loved them and we cannot and will not love them unless we get to know them.  We cannot get to know them unless we communicate with them.  God has already said all that needs saying for us to know Him as fully as we are humanly able, but we must hear those words He has spoken and respond to them in one way or another.

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.  Romans 10:17 (NASB)

Father, we need wisdom and understanding, but more than that, we need desire; desire for more of You.  Without the desire to know You more fully, we will never open Your word with any real seeking.  That is why You tell us to ask first, so I am asking that You pour out the desire in Your childrens' hearts for more of You.  You then tell us to seek.  We seek Your understanding and wisdom and then we can knock with the great expectation of receiving whatever we ask, because it will be being asked in accordance with Your word and will, because we will understand more fully Your awesome desires for our lives in this world.

How Do I Love Thee?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

As I contemplated my own ability to love this morning, this poem entered my thoughts.  As I read it I asked myself if E.B.B. was a Christian, so I searched for an answer.  According to several sources, she was a more than avid Christian and very outspoken regarding her faith.  My next question was: for whom did she write this particular poem, Jesus or the man she loved?  As I read of her marriage in 1845 and that the poem was written the same year, I came to the conclusion that it could have been for either or for both and it really doesn't matter.  The poem speaks of the passion of childhood's faith and that is enough to make me realize she was trying to get across a love so deep that it can only come from God Himself.

I then must ask myself the question, how deeply do I love those around me?  I want to love them with the passion that envelopes this poem, but I realize I fall very short.  While I love enough that I would give up this life in general for them, do I love them enough to give up my every day life for them?  I consider it a rather easy thing to die for those I love.  I would simply pass from this life to life in heaven.  Physical death seems almost admirable when it takes place in the saving of another life.  But which should truly be more admirable, physical death, or dying to self in order to see many souls given life eternal? 

Because of these thoughts running amok in my mind, I once again realized that a change was being made in me.  God has been calling me gently to go deeper into prayer.  I shared before how He has inundated me with studies and sermons on the topic, but never "shoves my face in it."  Sometimes I wish He would so I could get where He wants me to be faster, but He knows my stubbornness and how easily pride besets me, so He goes at the pace I need to prevent me from falling. 

I have been praying for wisdom for many years.  God promises that He will grant wisdom if we ask, but the very definition of wisdom is knowledge mixed with His love. 
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal.
And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  And if I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profiteth me nothing.  I Corinthians 13:1-3 (ASV)

So as of this morning I have a new cry to my prayer: Fill me with Your love for all people of all nations, of all situations in life, even the ones that make me feel uncomfortable or scared.  May I love so deeply that I am willing to lay aside a portion of my life each day to lift them in prayer, putting their needs before my wants and comfort.  You did this for me.  I want to express my gratitude by allowing You to love through me in the same manner.  Grant me a generous heart that gives unsparingly, a welcoming heart that invites others to know You and to know You fully, a passionate heart that places Your desires for my life above all else.  Help me to love as You have loved me.  May I love with childlike faith and the passion of youth.  May I love more deeply with each passing day.

Heads and Hair

Have you ever lay in bed at night with the names of those you love running through your mind like a herd of elephants? 

Saturday we spent the day at a party celebrating my only living uncle's retirement.  We had a lot of fun and I got to speak with cousins I hadn't seen in years.  That night I lay in bed wide awake with their names running through my mind.  I started trying to name all twenty five of my cousins.  I made it through twenty four.  One name kept me awake until the wee hours of the morning.  I knew it was a male.  I knew he was older than me, but not by much.  I even knew which cousins he was born between, but his name eluded me.  I finally dozed off to wake two hours later with his name flashing in front of my eyes, or so it seemed.  Now I was awake for good.  Silly, right?  Why in the world would you lay awake because you couldn't remember one name?  This morning as I was praying it hit me that Father God never forgets even one name.  He has received millions of children over the years and yet never forgets one detail about them. 

Yesterday I had six of my seven grandchildren here with me throughout the day.  I was blessed to hear a conversation between two of them.  I had been combing two of the girls' hair and had them throw away the hairs that came out while so doing.  Our eight year old granddaughter turned to our eight year old grandson, who is also her best friend and said, "Did you know God knows the exact number of hairs we have on our heads?"  His reply was a simple yes with an implied "Of course."  She then said, "Even when we pull out a handful, He still knows exactly how many are left!"  She was correct!
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Luke 12:7 (NIV)

How fortunate are the children of almighty God.  He has millions, yet reacts to each as if they were His only child.  I saw this reflected in my son yesterday.  When one daughter's tooth slammed into the head of his son, he grabbed both, one in each arm and clung to them.  In so doing he got blood all over his hand and face, but took no notice of anything but his children's welfare.  He guided one to the bathroom and one to the kitchen where I started washing the blood from his hair.  My son waited just a moment to make sure it was nothing major, then took huge strides to his daughter.  When he was certain she was okay, he came back to his son.  There was just a small scrape, but it bled profusely, as all head wounds do.  His anguish abated, he said, "I know what will make us all feel better!"  All three children looked in his eyes as he proclaimed, "Let's go get some ice cream!  But I'd better wash the blood off my face first."  This made everyone relax and smile, even chuckle again.

Father God, thank You that You never forget us, not even a single detail about us.  You know our coming in and our going out.  You know when we laugh and when we cry and You laugh and cry with us.  You hold us when we are hurt, sick or simply weary.  You mend our every wound.  When we feel lost and alone, You are there holding us by the hand to lead us back to where we need to be in order to see the light to guide us.  You are a hiding place when we feel insecure; a shelter in the midst of storms.  No matter how many children You ever have, You always react to us as if we were the only one.  Thank You for loving us so deeply.

Praying Parent

Every Christian parent's greatest concern is for their child(ren)'s welfare, especially when it comes to walking with the Lord.  We want our children and grandchildren to experience greater joy in the Lord than we did at their age.  We tend to forget all we had to go through in order to get to the walk of faith we maintain at this time of our lives.  When I came upon this promise, many anxieties (some I didn't even realize existed until then) dissipated as I determined to start praying God's word upon my children as it is contained in this verse and those following it.

In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression, for thou shalt not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near thee. Behold, they may gather together, but not by me: whosoever shall gather together against thee shall fall because of thee. Behold, I have created the smith that bloweth the fire of coals, and bringeth forth a weapon for his work; and I have created the waster to destroy. No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of Jehovah, and their righteousness which is of me, saith Jehovah.

A few weeks ago I was reading the autobiographical conversion experience of Stephen Baldwin - the actor.  In it he talks about how his wife prayed for his salvation every day until one day it hit him that he needed to stop trying to figure God out and simply trust Him.  He received Jesus as Savior and Lord and began to delve into His word.  God has given him a wonderful ministry to youth and he serves Him in it still as he witnesses God's greatness to his brothers and rest of his family.  This pushed a trigger in my spirit that it is time to delve deeper into prayer.  That day I finished up a Bible study I had been working on and went in to grab another to begin.  I have had these studies stacked up ready to go and have simply been pulling out the next one in no particular order.  When I pulled out this one I had to grin.  It was all about praying for our children specifically and branched out from there to others we love and are concerned about.  The following Sunday Brother Kenny (our pastor) went to the podium to explain that he was beginning a new nine week series that day on, you guessed it, prayer.  Coincidence?  As I have said before, I don't believe in them any longer.  God has shown Himself too awesome. 
That was three weeks ago.  Has there been any change?  Yes, in me.  I have a greater desire to pray than ever before.  My body position during prayer has changed, which is unnecessary, but helps me remain focused.  Have I noticed a difference in our children?  I am not around them every day, so I can't say I have, but it just doesn't matter.  I am praying for them in accordance with God's Word and am therefore becoming more and more confident in His ability to perform even this seemingly impossible task.  He is Master of the impossible - the only One capable of turning hearts.  Change has come.....in me.
Father, You have promised that my children will be taught by You personally.  The only way this can happen is if their hearts conform to Your will and I cannot do anything to change anyone's heart.  You however "hold the hearts of kings in Your hands."  (Proverbs 21:1)
They are Your children, therefore You have made them kings (Revelation 1:6) and hold their hearts.  I ask that You would fulfill Your word in them and turn their hearts toward worshiping You once again.  Bring peace to their hearts as You guide them to the fellowship in which You would have them serve and offer worship to Your holy name.  Open their eyes to the futility of striving toward earthly goals, because that bar will continually be raised.  Help them to realize that spiritual goals never change, as You never change, so real joy and peace can come only in doing our best to please You and bring joy to Your Spirit.  AMEN