In the Potter's Hands

As Mother Theresa said, "I know that God said He would not give us any more than we can handle.  I just wish He didn't trust me so much."
I was reminded of this last evening as I was conversing with my dear relative and friend.  We were discussing our children and how badly it hurts us when one of them is in pain, mentally. physically and/or emotionally.  She is having to watch one of her children suffer severe physical pain and is in great turmoil because of it.  She will give it all to our Father, I am certain, because she always does, but I know how difficult it is as a parent to let go and let Him work.  In the mean time we will be praying for them all.  Her greatest concern though is for his soul.  She asked that we pray more regarding that than his physical health. 
I shared with this sweet cousin that my heart was aching for my daughter-in-law and son who just lost their first child in miscarriage.  Having experienced this trauma in my personal life, I know the thoughts that plague, the physical pain involved and the ache in spirit that clings and makes you cry at the sight of a newborn or anything that has to do with one.  I also know that my son is hurting from the loss, but doubly having to watch the woman he loves suffer so.  The realization that God loves and trusts us to be able to bear these (as Mother Theresa realized as well)  things for His glory is what keeps us going.  Knowing that my lovely friend and relative is praying for me and she knowing I am praying for her helps tremendously. 
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:1-2

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2There are times when I feel as Mother Theresa did, that I wish God didn't trust me so much, and yet there is a joy in knowing that He does.  I am reminded of a time in my freshman year of high school.  I was sitting in English class and my teacher happened to be a member of the church our family attended.  He was quite angry with our class for something, but I do not remember what.  I knew I was not involved and therefore chose to tune out his lecture.  HUGE mistake.  He asked the class a question regarding Who we should be imitating.  He asked me personally for a response.  I hadn't heard the question!!  I just looked at him blankly.  He was utterly disappointed.  I could see the hurt in his eyes and I became ashamed of myself.  He was seeking someone to acknowledge Christ and had chosen to depend on me.  I had gravely failed the test.  The look in his eyes would haunt me to this day if I hadn't sought forgiveness and received it.Perhaps God allowed that occurrence in my life as an example to carry with me each time I was tempted or succeeded in tuning Him out.I remember another time shortly after this event where I was sitting in a revival meeting during the invitation.  As I sat with my head bowed I saw a vision of Whom I perceived to be Jesus.  He had tears in His eyes and disappointment oozed from Him.  Why?  Because I still had not truly received Him as my personal Savior and Lord.  I accepted Him as the Savior of the world, the Son of God and much more, but I was walking in pride and did not want the world to know that I had falsely been accepted as a member of the Body of Christ.  It was two more years before I gave in to His saving grace and humbled myself enough to go forward and admit the deception.

Would it have been better for me to never have experienced these painful events?  It would definitely have been less painful, but I may never have been able to swallow my pride otherwise.  Therefore, it would have been decidedly worse if I had not.

When I miscarried it was our fourth child.  It tore my heart out.  I grieved every time I purchased a shower gift for another baby or simply walked by the baby aisles in stores.  Do I wish it had never happened?  Of course, but I am privileged to know that my God trusted me to handle it so that now I can share my experience with others having the same difficulty and let them know they are not alone.  There is a God who loves them desperately and will heal them if they will let Him. 

Sin has saturated this world with evil.  Someone must be willing to experience the pain that comes in so many forms because of this, so that a dying world might come to realize its need of Jesus as Savior.  If my suffering will allow me to understand another person in theirs so that I can share with them the answers God has revealed to me through the struggle, then I need to be willing to suffer it.  I must remember the tears of anguish Jesus suffers each time one of His children is hurting and willingly become His hands and feet here on earth to minister to their needs.  How can I know what they are going through if I have never experienced it?  How willing am I to become more like Jesus, Who suffered for each and every one of my sins and heartaches that I might be healed and delivered?
Who has believed our message
    and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
    and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
    nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
 He was despised and rejected by mankind,
    a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
    he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

⁴Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
    each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
    the iniquity of us all.  Isaiah 53:1-6

We sings songs like the following:

I want to be helpful and loving, at home and at school and at play.

I wish I could be just like Jesus through every single day.

Jesus, Jesus, I want to be just like Him.

And one of my all time favorites:

Have Thine own way Lord, have Thine own way.

Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.

Mold me and make me after Thy will

While I am waiting yielded and still.

The problem we have is that, while we truly do want to be more like Jesus in His service to others in most ways, we do not want to have to be like Him when it comes to suffering.  In order to change the world, we must become like Him in every way, so may we make David's prayer our own:

Create in me a clean heart, O God,    and renew a right spirit within me.  Psalm 51:10

Father, You have blessed me far beyond anything I could ever imagine; A husband who loves me, three beautiful and talented children, seven (so far) awesome grandchildren, parents who reared me in Your Word, a home, a church family, joy that overwhelms me at unexpected moments, peace in knowing You are in charge, and so much more.  It shames me to think that I would quibble over a little discomfort.  When I am tempted to tune You out because I want my way, help me remember all You suffered for me so that I might turn back with a listening ear and welcoming heart to Your desires for my life to exhibit Your glory to those You place in my path.  Make me willing to suffer that I might learn to bear the burdens of others and lead them to a saving knowledge of You.  Grant me wisdom and discernment to know when, where and to whom You would have me pray for and/or reach out to in comfort and by what means to do so.

Love and Peace

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Colossians 3:14
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4:3

Love and peace.  Most believers will say they do their very best to walk in love and peace, but it just isn't always possible.  They will say that some people will simply not allow it.  I suggest that we are the problem rather than they. 

We wonder why our prayers sometimes seemingly go unanswered.  We even say that sometimes God simply must say no.  After deliberation regarding myself, I can only come to the conclusion that the reason God seemingly simply says no to so many prayers is that we have neglected love and peace.  It does not matter if an individual doesn't want us to love them and behaves in such a manner as to try and deter us from doing so.  We are to love them anyway.  We speak highly of the unconditional love of God and are extremely thankful for it.  However, we tend to forget that He tells us 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you. 32 "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. Luke 6.  We are not to love others because they have earned our respect, gratitude, or anything else.  We are to love them because they are created in the image of God and because, at the heart of the matter, we are just like them.  The only difference may be that we have accepted Jesus' free gift of salvation and they have not.

We even find it difficult to walk in love toward some of our brothers and sisters in Christ.  Why?  They think differently than we; they behave differently; they spend their money differently; they are not as neat as we or too neat for our taste and again, the list could go on.  I would bet we make up reasons to not have to walk in love!!  Why?  It's hard work!!  You get rejected, lied about, and generally are thought of as pretty crazy.  And then what are we told?  Walk in peace!!

So, just how badly do we want our prayers to be heard?  Badly enough to fulfill these "ifs" He tells us about in His word? 

As I look around my house I see places where, were someone to visit, they would think my house in disrepair.  The truth is, it is in the state of being repaired.  Last night Michael put some holes in the livingroom wall to discover how wide our double doors were to the outside.  The previous owners had blocked in over one of them to have more wall space.  These holes will remain for at least two weeks, when our new door is supposed to arrive, then Michael will spend two days installing and repairing.  The holes were necessary to get the measurements exact for the new door.  What he discovered was rather amazing - absolutely no insulation.  A hole in the wall above our door gave him a view of our front yard.  No wonder our house gets so cold in winter and hot in summer!!

Sometimes when we look at our lives we think we are in such disrepair.  Perhaps it is simply God doing the dis-assembly necessary to get the perfect measurements for the removal of the old and replacement with the new.  As we begin new journeys with the Lord, say determining in our spirit man to walk in love and peace as much as we know how, sometimes we are going to feel like a hammer is bashing against the walls of our heart.  What we must remember is that all it means is God is at work.  He is taking out the old and replacing it with something much better, more beautiful and much longer lasting.  He will insulate us in His love, filling our gaps with His joy and peace.  He will throw out the old, worn out parts that didn't work correctly and were an eyesore and will replace them with the work of His hands, flawless and beautiful to behold, with the bonus of being eternal.  In order to get to that place though, we are going to feel bashed, cut, torn, scraped and so much more!  Will it be worth the effort?  We have to make that decision individually.  I can say without much deliberation with myself, that I don't really care what I think about it.  God says to walk in love and peace, so therefore, I choose to walk in love and peace.  When my sin nature rears its head and cries out in agony over the bashing it is taking, I pray that God gives me the strength to offer the sacrifice of laughter up to Him in praise and adoration for the work is doing on my behalf.  Will I always succeed?  I cannot make that guarantee, but I can cry out to God and know that He will be there to help me and to forgive when if/when I do fail.

Father, there is much work to do in Your Church.  We have walls in disrepair, doors that have been plastered over and become unwelcoming to the world, windows that are dirty - so dirty that Your light comes through only dimly, extra walls that have been built up and need tearing down, insulation that is missing or gotten so thin it is of little value.  Father, make us like Nehemiah.  Break our hearts at the very thought of Your temple being in such disarray.  Help us bind together in love and peace.  Help us walk in unity and begin the work of repairing Your temple and bringing back the sacrifices of our very lives to Your work.  Forgive us, cleanse us, and help us recognize and welcome the alterations You will be doing in and among us, so that when Jesus returns, He will find His bride beautiful and perfected, for He is worthy of nothing less!!  In Jesus' precious name I ask this!!  AMEN and AMEN!!

The Gift of Grandchildren

This morning I woke at two in the morning.  I was wide awake (I thought! Was I ever wrong!!).  I thought,  "Great.  It's going to be one of those days again."  I tried to go back to sleep and failed.  After a few minutes of tossing, changing pillow position, prayer and feeling more wide awake than ever, I got out of bed and came in to do Bible study.  I turned on my computer to see my name in lights along with Brother Bill's regarding a send off luncheon.  I sent a thank you and let them know I was undeserving.  I was also thinking how unfair it was to others who had left the church for one reason or another.  I was actually feeling rather perturbed for them.  Then it hit me, Brother Bill's wife is named Sherry as well. They DEFINITELY deserve a send off, as they have served this church family the majority of their lives.  How funny is that!!   All frustration and confusion fled and I felt ever so much better!!  I do enjoy making people laugh though, so laugh to your heart's content regarding this one!! 

The verse that hit home with me today in my studies today is the following: 

"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him, and children's children are a crown to the aged."  Psalm 127:3

This verse has been my theme all my life.  The first thought triggered in most will be that I am exaggerating; that I really have only felt this way my adult life.  They would be wrong.  From the time I could speak, which was actually very early, I asked for a doll for Christmas.  Each year there was a different doll that was the most important thing on my wish list.  Christmas would not be very joyful to me if I didn't receive that doll.  At one point I had 29 dolls lined up around the edge of my bed.  They were all clothed and fed daily, bathed and redressed for bed at night AND they all slept with me.  This desire for a new doll continued until I was thirteen.  I figured out that I would be considered very strange by my friends if I asked for another at this age.  My dearest friend at that time told me how her mom had gotten rid of their dolls when they were (if I remember correctly) in second grade.  It may have been third.  Anyway, she and her sister were deemed to old to play with dolls.  That is when I decided it was time to stop.  So, I began dreaming of having a real baby of my own one day.  My mom gave birth to my baby sister when I was 11 and my oldest sister had my oldest niece a few years later, another two years after that she had another daughter and so on, having seven children in all.  Meanwhile, my other older sister got married and started having babies as well.  I had plenty with which to keep me entertained and gain practice.  So now you know.  I truly was not exaggerating.  God has given me a love for children that goes way beyond simple motherhood.  Something truly amazing to me is that not only am I drawn to children, but they are drawn to me.  I cannot tell you how many times a child I have never met before has walked up to me and asked for help, or simply wanted to tell me a story or show me something they found interesting.  A few weeks ago I was sitting in McAllisters at lunch and a little boy of around three walked up to me to show me his socks.  They were brightly colored and mismatched.  I told him how cool they were, so he showed me the shoes he had taken off as well.  They were new and he was extremely proud of them.  I looked around.  The restaurant was pretty full, yet he chose me to show his treasures.  My friend who was dining with me was astounded that the parent wasn't keeping very good watch.  I told her that this happens all the time and since I understand how easily a child can slip away from a parent's grasp, I am glad they come to me.  I know I am safe and will get them back to their parents in one piece.

Another time we were in Silver Dollar City.  We were standing in a check out line in one of the shops.  I noticed a young girl of about 11 or 12 and her little brother.  The girl was looking rather fearful and was scouring the shop.  I figured their parents had simply slipped out of view for the moment and they would see them soon enough.  However, when I looked away, the girl came to me, touched my sleeve and asked for help.  They couldn't find their parents.  I took them to the cashier and explained the situation.  She made a call over the park intercom and the parents arrived in a few minutes.  The only reason for this attraction that I can gather is that God has placed a knowing in these children.  They look around, find this lady with a grandmother's heart, recognize it as such and ask for her attention. 

I say all this because today's study is on praying for grandchildren.  Having seven, I know the difference between a grandmother heart and a mom heart.  Moms are swift to react, and end up making wrong judgments in so doing.  They feel stressed with time limits, programs, work and lack of sleep, and sometimes the children get the blunt end of it.  At least this was true of me.  I apologized to my children many times over for being rash in decision making.  Grandmothers tend to weigh the situation, realize that time on earth is short and so do their best to react in a positive fashion in order to bring about positive results.  We choose to laugh at our mistakes, are quick to forgive, and realize that time grows shorter every day, so we need to make the most of the moments we have now.  At least this is how we desire to be.  We are not perfect and we know it.  This makes it easier to laugh at our mistakes, apologize when necessary and forgive at the drop of a hat.  It also places a burden on the grandmother heart to pray fervently for her grandchildren.

Let the little children come to me and forbid them not; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 19:14

The question is asked: What is your greatest desire for your grandchildren that you need to release to God?  My greatest desire for my children, grandchildren, future grandchildren, future great grandchildren and so on, is that they come to know Jesus at an early age, grow in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man and, as they grow, that they fall more in love with Him each and every moment of their lives so that they serve Him with a heart full of gratitude for all He has done for them. 

Notice the verse doesn't say to "bring" the children to Jesus.  It says to "Let them come."  Children have a deep desire to be approved, loved and respected.  Because of this they are automatically drawn to Jesus and His love.  Our job as parents and grandparents is to assure them safe passage in journey.  We are to reveal His love through our lifestyle so they can recognize the path that leads to Him.  We are to share experiences with them, pray with them and guide them, but we are not to force them.  Should we bring them to Sunday School and church?  By all means!  When I say we are not to force them I am talking about not allowing our desire for their personal salvation getting to us and pressuring them to accept Jesus. 

When I was seven, my sweet daddy, who had just accepted Jesus as his own Savior, asked me when I was going to be baptized.  Being very much a daddy's girl, I went forward a few weeks later and told them I wanted to be baptized.  Long story short - I wasn't truly saved until I was sixteen.  We must not allow our enthusiasm for their salvation cause us to make the mistake of deciding for them that they have accepted Jesus.  Instead, we should be a guide for them to Him through our words, our actions, reading the Bible to and in front of them, expounding on it for them, praying with and in front of them and admitting our personal failures to them.  This shows them just how loving and forgiving our Father truly is and will draw them ever closer to Him.

Father, being a parent and/or grandparent is never an easy task.  We desire so much for our children that we tend to overwhelm them rather than guide them.  Forgive us and teach us how to "let" them come to You rather trying to "bring" them to You by force if necessary.  You have given them to us, entrusted their care to us and are always there to forgive us when we blow it.  We cannot thank You enough for this.  Help us to realize what a true blessing these little treasures of children are that You shower us with and help us be the people we need to be in order to lead them to Your loving arms for all eternity.

As a side note: my three year old grandson called me 'mommy" yesterday.  When I looked at him he simply stated, "You are my grand-mommy. so it is okay if I call you mommy."  As I am reminded of this I realize that he is, in his three year old way, letting me know that he trusts me to guide him the way his real mommy would.  What a responsibility!  Grandparents beware.  You are being watched and much is expected of you, not only by the heavenly Father, but by your grandchildren as well!!  I say this with a most grateful heart to be in this position!!

God's Path Is Straighter

If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
 And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.  Isaiah 58:9-10

I married young.  People thought we would never make it.  I was asked if I was sure.  I was told that if there was a problem I was welcome back home.  My dad feared because when he looked at me he saw a small, frail individual.  Now I am actually of normal, fairly average height and weight.  I admit that I am small framed, but I am healthy - now. 
As a child I was sick quite often; once a month to be exact.  I had what they then termed  chronic strep.  At that time I was small - too small.  At one point I was five foot three and only about seventy pounds.  That's what not being able to keep your food in your stomach a week out of every month will do to you.  After having my tonsils out for the first time at twelve, I became pretty healthy.  I gained weight, and though still a bit underweight, it was only by a small amount; about five pounds.  However, Daddy remembered me when I was weak and pretty frail, so I understand why he thought as he did.  What he did not know was I had been praying for nine years for God to show me who He would have me marry.
The first time I met my husband was at a high school football game.  Their team was the visitors.  He had brought a small pep band of his own making with him.  I think he must have hand picked the loudest players int he entire band.  The announcers actually had to ask them to quit playing so the plays on the field could be heard.  That's loud!  Anyway, a friend of mine introduced us.  The two of them were in an extended college class together and she thought we should meet.  He flirted, I ignored.  I had recently been told that I was getting too serious by a guy I had been dating, so I had told him basically, "so long" and was angry at guys in general. 

The next day my friend brought a note from my now husband asking me out.  I sat there at lunch pondering the note.  The thought went through my head, "What if he were the one you are to marry?"  I argued and said, "That's ridiculous.  That only happens in fairy tales that people meet and immediately know they are to marry."  The voice persisted, "But what if he is the one I want you to marry?"  This stopped me short.  I had been praying for God to show me hadn't I?  So I had no choice but to answer, "Then I will marry him."  Long story short - almost thirty eight years later we have been married thirty six and are happier each day that passes.

Today's study was on praying for our child's choice of a mate.  My parents prayed for us regarding this all the time.  My mom was the one to encourage me to start praying myself at the ripe old age of nine.  Being human, it was a difficult pill for them to swallow that I may truly have heard from God and was doing the right thing.  When asked for my hand in marriage, my daddy turned to me and asked, "Have you really prayed about this?"  I assured him I had and knew the answer for a certainty.  He then said, "Then who am I to say no?  You have my blessing." a few years later he admitted to me that he never worried about me anymore.  He had been watching and recognized the love that was being poured out on me and was extremely glad I had listened to my heavenly Father over his warnings.

This is not so true of other young people when they marry.  Parents refuse to accept their spouses into the family.  They back bite about them to others and even to their child.  What they do not realize is that they are not only making their own lives miserable by dwelling on all the negative, but they are humiliating their child.  What they say cries out that their child doesn't know how to make good choices for themselves.  It also tells them that their love for their spouse doesn't matter as much as what their parents want for them. 

Father, may we as parents learn to break the yoke of condemnation we tend to place on our children and their spouses or future spouses necks and set them free to be the people You have designed them to be.  May we refuse to point fingers and speak wickedness regarding those our children love and instead feed them on the meat of Your word and anoint their wounds with the oil of Your Holy Spirit so that the light of Your Spirit might shine through us onto them to help guide them in the directions they should take, whether they are the directions we would have taken for them ourselves or not.  Help us place Your desires before our own where our children are concerned so that the gloom of worry we may currently be feeling is lifted and the light You have placed within us shines like the noon day sun.

God as Teacher

All your children will be taught by ADONAI; your children will have great peace.  Isaiah 54:13 (Complete Jewish Bible)
There must be some ifs, ands or buts in here somewhere.  Isaiah 54 is a much more beautiful passage of scripture than I ever noticed until now.  It has promise after promise in it.  The problem we tend to have as human beings is to pick out the promises without discovering what we must do in order to secure them in our lives. 
When my children were little I would say something like the following: "If you clean your room within the next half hour, we will have time to get some ice cream."  Later in the day, their rooms still a mess, they would come to me and say, "Mommy, you promised we could get some ice cream!"  When I reminded them of the "IF," they might stomp their foot, cross their arms, pout and walk back to their rooms.  We are just like this. 
The promise above is a beautiful promise, but there is an unwritten catch to it.  Just because someone is being taught doesn't mean they are listening.  My children heard what they wanted to hear when I mentioned ice cream.  Humans hear what they want to hear when God is speaking - a lot of the time.  This does not mean we cannot pray this promise over our children; rather we can pray that God continues teaching them and that their spiritual ears and eyes will be open, their hearts of soil be tilled up and softened, that they might be hedged in on all sides from the attempts of Satan to draw them away and that God help them understand their need to receive instruction from Him and His word.  We can ask that He burden them with a hunger to know Him more fully and a burning desire to get into His word and learn all they can before their time on earth is over.
We can also search the scriptures ourselves for other promises to pray over our children and grandchildren, but we must be certain to catch the "ifs" "ands" and "buts" included, whether they are written out in full for us or not.
There are some written necessities in this passage as well.  Consider the following:

Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.  verse 4
YAY!  We won't be put to shame or humiliated!!  Then why have I been in the past?  Because I feared and tried to take care of things in my own strength instead of turning to my Help.  However, there have been times when I used wisdom.  Once, before I retired, a young girl came into the office and handed me an envelope.  She told me it had a few hundred dollars in it and was to go to the president of our parent organization.  I took her over to their mailbox and showed her where it should go if her mother asked her to deliver something like that again.  I then placed it in the box and she went to class.  The next day the president asked me where the money was.  I told her it was in their mailbox.  She looked again and said she had now gone through everything twice and it was not there.  She then said something that sounded rather accusatory and implied that I would need to replace the money.  I prayed all that evening about it as fear did its best to overpower me.  I refused to listen to fear and told God that I would trust Him whatever happened.  The next morning I went to talk to the little girl.  She said she told her mother that she watched me put it in their mailbox.  Later in the day the president came to me and apologized.  Their treasurer had been caught with her hand in the till, so to speak.  She had to pay the money back and was fired as treasurer. Oh, if only I would remember all the ifs and follow them every time!!
Father, we desire the very best for our children just as You do.  The problem is, we are not all wise as You are.  You cry out to us what to do moment by moment, but we must listen!!  Our ears get stopped up by the commotion of the world around us.  We are deafened by the tinnitus of our sinful nature.  The wax designed to protect our hearing has become too much as it works overtime to keep out damaging influences.  Unstop our ears.  Help us to turn deaf ears to worldly influences and determine within ourselves to listen so that we hear Your powerful words of wisdom and run to You in times of distress.  Our children are watching Father!!  You tell us that they will be taught by You, and they are, but part of that teaching is done through us.  They are studying us to see if what we are telling them is true in our own lives or not.  If we truly want our children to have great peace in knowing You, then we must demonstrate that peace in our own lives so that they know it is of MORE worth  than silver or gold, rubies or diamonds.  May we be those children trained in the way we should go so that our children might become so as well.

Tea Anyone?

BROKEN   DREAMS-author unknown As children bring
their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams
to God
Because He was my Friend.
But then instead
of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around
and tried to help
With ways that
that were my own.
At last I snatched them back
and cried,
"How can You be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do?
You never did let go."

There are some dreams that may remain broken throughout our lifetime, or until we move away from them.  Sometimes it takes our removing ourselves or God removing us from the situation completely.  Why?  Because we continually try to fix it otherwise.  We cannot help ourselves.  Especially moms and dads. We are in the repair business.  From the time our children start rolling over we are kissing boos boos and mending broken hearts with words and actions of love.  Our hearts cry out to mend the wounds of those we love.  Sometimes we cannot.  Sometimes we must let go and let God and when we refuse, He must take another course of action to open the eyes of our spirit so we can see clearly the damage we are doing by holding on.  I am guilty once again.

This may sound like a broken record - "I am guilty" - but God tells us to confess our sins one to another in order to help set us free and to build each other up by letting others know they are not alone in their life experiences.  When others share with me it helps me examine myself to see if perhaps I am in the same boat and haven't realized it yet as well.

So I pray this will help in the same manner those who read this . 

“I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness;
    I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
    to be a covenant for the people
    and a light for the Gentiles,
 to open eyes that are blind,
    to free captives from prison
    and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.  Isaiah 42:6-7

We are the body of Christ and are to act in His place in this world through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

I have written many blogs regarding marriage being a beautiful picture of our relationship with Christ.  God has blessed me with a wonderful marriage, a beautiful extended family through said marriage and given me many examples of His love for us through it as well.  One part I have not written regarding this is our position in marriage in order to keep the picture vivid and active for the world to see clearly and be drawn to it.

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. I Corinthians 11:3

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
I Peter 3:7

My husband has been that loving man mentioned in I Peter, but I have failed in allowing him to be the spiritual head of the household.  For going on two years now I have felt a burden in my spirit that something was wrong.  My husband was not worshiping like he used to.  He was coming to church, but only for the sermons.  It was easy to make this "his problem" rather than ours.  I began to pray for him, but closed my spirit to the answer, which was simply to listen to him.  He had been gently trying to tell me the problem and what he believed to be the solution without forcing me to do anything.  He was genuinely treating me as the weaker vessel and I was taking advantage.

Several years back God gave me a picture of a china tea set.  There was a beautiful cup and saucer set before me.  The cup was delicate, beautifully shaped and able to hold quite a bit of very hot tea without being damaged in any way.  The saucer, though not so beautiful and shapely as the cup, was strong, broad and able to hold the cup up and receive overflows when the tea became too much for the cup. 

This, God explained, is how He designed the marriage relationship to be.  The wife is the cup.  She is, in the saucers mind, beautiful, delicate and able to do more than even she recognizes.  She carries the burdens of the family while the husband carries her (along with the problems) in order to help her bear them.  If he does his job properly, she will barely feel the weight of the "tea" she carries.  However, sometimes the problems overflow and the husband must catch them in order to keep them from causing harm to anyone or anything else.  God holds the saucer in his hand, the saucer holds the cup and only One feels the true weight.

This has been true in virtually every situation where I have allowed my husband to fulfill his roll in our lives.  However, I have failed many times in my position.  Rather than carry the tea unless it overflows, I have dumped it in my saucer and walked away.  Not only that, but I have blamed the saucer for allowing it to spill over onto others.  I didn't want to share the burden.  I wanted him to carry it all.  His attitude toward worship was his problem, not mine - and yet, I knew in my heart of hearts that it was indeed mine and I needed to quit dumping it on him and others.  So I recently began to earnestly pray.  I received the answer Thursday evening.

As we were driving to community choir practice I made a statement regarding this being my last rehearsal and concert, at least for the time being.  He sweetly replied with, "I told you what you need to do."  I was startled.

I asked him to refresh my memory.  He said, "You need to forget about this choir for now and go back to First Baptist and join their choir.  That way you can sing the songs you really want to be singing every week."  I was dumbfounded for a moment.  Then I asked, "What about you?  Would you go back to orchestra?"  Yes.  He has been looking for a place of service since we left and has found none except to pick up trash found on the parking lot, etc. That night I told him I needed to pray.  He smiled and said, "Okay,"  I think he knew what was going on inside me.  I confessed to God my sin of not allowing my husband to lead and asked what I should do.  I knew right away that I must give everything away.  The next morning I gave up my teaching position and turned down a leadership position at the Fall Festival.  I explained what was happening and cried at the lovely responses of encouragement I received.

The amazing thing about all of this is, as badly as I didn't want to let go of my current church family, I now feel at peace and am beginning to even get excited, knowing that I will once again be able to worship as one with my husband!!  I have come to realize that it doesn't matter where we worship together but that we worship together.   First though, I had to "let go and let God do the work." 

As a side note, last evening Michael asked if I really wanted to sing or be part of the orchestra again.  I told him that I wanted to sing, but during the big productions to be in orchestra.  I want my cake and to eat it too.  Then I told him the truth - "I am actually a spoiled brat wanting it all.  But God loves me and you love me, and that is really all I need." 

Father, help us realize when we are holding on to things so tightly that You cannot accomplish what needs doing, because we won't allow it.  Show us too when we are dumping on our spouses the load we were designed to carry, causing mishaps and spills that otherwise would be contained and would have ended up quenching the thirst and warming the spirits of others.  Thank You for loving us even when we do make these kinds of errors and Lord, thank You for loving husbands who cherish their wives and are willing to carry them throughout life as You carry them in the palm of Your hand.

Hidden Temper Tantrums

Do you ever feel like you are always telling on yourself?  Well, I am about to do so again.  It seems I fail a lot doesn't it?  Yeah, and last night I was bombarded with thoughts from the evil one against myself because of it.  I had to do what was necessary to get him off my back.  I ran to Father God in prayer!!

Monday and Tuesday this week I had all 7 of our grandchildren.  They were beautifully behaved, so I was quite happy with the way things turned out.  There were a couple of skirmishes, but they were easily handled.  However, I had awoken Monday morning feeling extremely tired.  I'd had enough sleep, it was simply one of those days that happens now and again where I need extra sleep, but couldn't allow myself to take it.  I had children from 6:45 until 4:45 that day and needed to make the best of it.  We had fun, but by the end of the day I was thoroughly exhausted.  I still needed to make dinner and go to choir.  By the time I arrived at choir, I had nothing left in me.  I left at 8 instead of staying until the usual 9 pm. I apologized for that at rehearsal last night.

Tuesday things were going great and I was feeling I could make it.  Half the kids would be picked up at 3:45 or so, so I felt I could make it and still have maybe a little energy left for the evening.  Then my daughter called and said I'd need to bring them to her as she couldn't leave school due to carpet being laid in her classroom.  This meant I would have all of the kids until 5:30 and then need to take the rest to school.  I admit, I was disappointed, not because of having to take them or the fact that I would have them longer, but because I would have nothing much left come evening.  At least I thought that was how I felt.  When my husband came home and asked why I needed to take them to school, I told him.  I THOUGHT I said it in a manner that would convey the necessity rather than my weariness.  I was wrong.

We went to Burger King for dinner, because my sweet husband could see I was tired.  However, while there he asked me to do him a favor and not sound so depressed in front of the kids.  He didn't want them to get the wrong idea and think I didn't want them to be there.  I was livid!  I didn't say anything at first, because I was also in shock.  Then I told him that I was simply exhausted and didn't mean it to sound like I was depressed.  What I didn't say was, "but I am now."  I simply thought it.  I held back the tears and did my best to hold the angry thoughts at bay, but they kept raising their heads louder and louder.  I just wanted to go home!  I was throwing a hidden temper tantrum.

When we finally arrived home, I took a shower and then prayed.  I told God how I was feeling and immediately my oldest granddaughter came to mind.  Earlier in the day she had broken one of the light switches in the basement.  I wasn't angry, because I knew it was an accident, but I explained that you cannot just keep pulling on them as she had been doing.  She became angry and said how unfair everyone was being.  She also lied and said someone else had done it.  I decided to pick my battles and told her that it didn't matter who had broken it, no one should be pulling on them.  She then uttered how everyone treated her so mean.  A few minutes later all was well with the world.  She realized she wasn't going to be punished and so became happy again.

I decided I needed to analyze myself.  Was I really simply tired, or had I been feeling sorry for myself?  I finally came to the understanding that I indeed had been feeling sorry for myself, wishing I had more energy and more or less blaming God that I had come across as depressed.  If He had given me more energy that day things would have gone better.  Oh, the lies with which we deceive ourselves!  God allowed the weariness, yes.  He did not cause me to sound irritable though.  I caused that myself by not allowing the joy of the Lord that was actually very real inside me to shine forth.

The Bible study today was all about the seven R's of revival: repent of sin, allow God's redemption to flow through us, receive His forgiveness and Lordship, be renewed into fellowship with Him, allow Him to restore our hope and trust in Him, return to our first love and allow Him to revive us.

When I read these I immediately thought of those two days mentioned above.  Then I was reminded how God disciplines those He loves and true and complete healing began in my heart.  I forgave my husband for the unknown hurt he had inflicted.  He had done so out of love after all.  I knew it at the time, as I could see it in his eyes and his smile, which is why I hid my thoughts and feelings. However, I didn't want to think about this at the time it happened.  I forgave myself for allowing self pity to rule my life for a time and allowed God's forgiveness to flow through me with its healing balm.  I just pray I have learned a lesson that will stick with me.

Father, I have shared what You asked me to and I pray that it will minister grace to all who read it.  I thank You for loving me enough to discipline me and to rescue me from the attempts of the evil one to defeat me.  May Your children all come to realize that we can have daily victory even when we are suffering vicious attack.  You are our Strength, our Shield and our Deliverer. Renew our hope and trust in You in all things.